This is in response to Taylor's Free Entry for this week, entitled The Fish.
The Fish can be found here.
I just HAD to comment on this! This piece has everything we have been talking about in class. You broke down all the littlest of details to be found in a swim meet and made it personal and exciting. I liked reading this for many reasons, but one of them was that I felt like as a normal outsider, I got a peak inside this swim world. What it feels like to compete, to have those nervous mothers in the stands that "love you no matter what," or just "want you to have fun" but secretely and lovingly want you to win. I have no idea how many times you have written/rewritten this piece but it defiitely showcases your effort! Some of my favorite lines "The loudspeaker blares with the words of my turn." The whole part about the bubbles, "Gliding under the water/withthe streamline of a Kingfisher./My feet greet like old friends/before I can think."
There were only two things that made me think twice - in the 3rd stanza you write "Searchign the water/I find the perfect place/to land my ship." This part kinds threw me off because you were already on the plank of the ship, about to jump off - not steering it. Maybe I am taking your metaphors too seriously, but it just threw me for a sec.
The other part was at the end of that same stanza when you say "The gap between me and her closing." The gap between her and I? she and I? Me and her doesnt sound right.
Other than that, again, I want to say that I think this is really an awesome poem. Oh...one more thing. I alos liked how you opened each stanza with one word that moves along the sequence of the poem. I think it was very well done.
Thanks for posting!!
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