Classmate Response 1, Week 5

In response to Beverly's Free Entry - Week 4 - A Memoir - Milking the Cow

     One hot, humid July afternoon in 1965, I squatted unhappily beside Sukey, our cow.  As the first squirts of milk fell, making a tinny sound in the metal bucket, my thoughts flowed as freely as Sukey's milk.
     I cannot believe I have to do something this low and demeaning. My best friend, Sandra, never has to do anything like this.  I hope nobody I know drives by.
     As I sat milking and feeling sorry for myself for being a farmer's daughter, the smell of freshly mown grass
permeated the air.  Sukey shifted from one foot to another and gently swished her tail to swat flies from her undulating reddish-brown coat.  Sweat beads built up and rolled down my face and the cleavage trapped in my bra.  The bucket was almost full.  Soon I'd be free to take a bath and scrub the cow tit smell from my hands for my date with Bob.  I felt positive that he'd never ask me out again if he could see me in this embarrassing situation.
     With no warning, Sukey's tail switched violently and caught in the wire mesh rollers in my hair, leaving half the rollers entangled in her coarse, smelly, shitty tail.  Sukey was the victim of a huge horsefly bite.  This event set off a chain reaction which included Sukey stepping in the brimming bucket of milk, thereby spilling its contents, my producing a near blood-curdling scream of total exasperation and frustration., followed by my mother dashing out the back door to see what was causing all the commotion.
     "What happened?"
     "That dumb old cow just jerked out my rollers with her gross tail, stepped in the bucket, and spilled the milk!  This is so unfair!"
     Mother thought the whole scene was hilarious and collapsed onto the grass in a fit of hysterics.  Her infectious laughter broke down my defenses, and I too dissolved in tears and laughter.  The absurdity of the situation provided much-needed levity and release from the mundane monotony of another day on the farm.

My response:
Hey Beverly!

I love the name of the horse and the tinny sound the milk makes when it hits the pail. I can hear it in my head. :) There are two suggestions I have. At the end I am struggling to find the revealed subject. There's a glimpse of one, shared between the girl and her mother...perhaps it could be strengthened? One of the questions I have is why is the character so embarrassed to be milking a cow on a farm? Why is it so terrible? If the story explains that emotion more I can share in that moment at the end when the daughter cries and laughs at the same time. Also, as I was reading I had an urge to put everything in the present tense. You might want to give that a try - telling the story as if it is happening, and not as if it already happened. That might make the "calamity of errors" with the horse and curlers work better as well because it will read faster.Just suggestions...

Thank you for posting. I loved the imagery of curlers stuck in a shitty horse tail too. That image is great!