This is in response to Daniel's free entry which can be found here.
First and foremost, I love your poetry. Or writing. It suits my own personal
style and so I really enjoy devouring it. I don’t have much to add in the way of
suggesting improvements for the words or piece itself because I found myself
enthralled by it. What I will say is that I think you need to work on developing
a structure to your posted content. You need to control how the reader sees the
words on the page - control the tempo, the flow, the lines, everything. It would
be much more dramatic if it wasn’t so hard to read. This is how I would start…do
you think it makes a difference?
“I’m trying to curb my reluctant enthusiasm
to write because my words are never felt
Only heard for the diction that they
aspire to be.
They say to be a poet is an ailment, in tune with nature’s
voice.
So does that mean I’m sick?
Sick with withering
ambitions
Because of vowels that don’t listen
To the consonants
And it
becomes complicated, a clashing cacophony
When it should be blossoms that
bloom blissfully…
Something like euphony.”
This is how I interpret
your writing, and I hope you see the difference and added impact the structure
lends to the piece. That’s what I’m trying to show anyway. I’d love to see you
work out the structure and repost. Beautiful piece, thank you for sharing it
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