This is in response to Drika's excercise that can be found here.
"Tell: Her boyfriend left her and broke her heart.
Show: The ashen pieces
float away on the wind, and out of her life just like him. The fire blazes when
it touches the cologne drenched bear, destroying the last shrine to him. That is
those that could be destroyed."
I think some of the words here may be
a bit abstract. Ashen pieces of what? Can you expand on that image? I can
picture a cologne-drenched bear ablaze - but its not really in any setting, the
bear is just kind of floating around in space burning. Is she in her living room
or backyard? Try to set the scene for our internal cameras and I think this will
work much better.
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