Classmate Response 1, Week 8

In response to http://taylorboltz.blogspot.com/2012/03/calisthenics-entry-1-week-8.html

Cupcake Memory Wars

Flipping through the 500 plus channels
the screen stops on the Food Network,
where a panel of pastry judges gorge on twelve cupcakes.
Not red velvet or chocolate chip, but rather
pistachio with lemon meringue or devils food with rum and citrus.

I ponder the excitement felt by those three,
tasting the different combinations, the different themes wrapped
in tinfoil cups topped with witch hats and flying fondent monkeys.
But then I wonder about the two finalists and the depression
the sink into, like butter into batter,
the fact that they can't revel in the glorious melting or bitter crumbling
of these Cupcake Wars.

I remember the days where my mother and I
would sit and bake and watch these whisking battles.
Who can create the tastiest mini cake while also
keeping in mind the theme of the day. I ache to remember more,
to taste less dark chocolate of now
and more raspberry filling of before-
my cupcake memories burnt and washed out.



My response:
My daughter and I love to watch cupcake wars together, but I always hate the end where they make the two finalists hustle to build these diplays with 1000 cupcakes in 2 hours - they always look sloppy! Soo...anyway.... I think the subject of cupcake wars is very interesting, especially in the context of reversal becaseu you are literally dealing with "sweet" subject matter!  In the beginning, I love the line "Not red velvet or chocolate chip, but rather pistachio with lemon meringue or devils food with rum and citrus." You nailed it here with specificity. I want one of both, please. :) Another powerful line is "the different themes wrapped in tinfoil cups topped with witch hats and flying fondent monkeys." Again, very specific, and the language is fun, having the thmes wrapped up in tinfoil cups verus the cupcakes. I will echo what Drika says as well, the "butter into batter" is very visual and another powerful line that stands on its own. The part that confuses me a litle is "the fact that they can't revel in the glorious melting or bitter crumbling of these Cupcake Wars." This can use more explanation...why can't they revel? Im not sure the idea is developed here fully and I think you can tweak it to have more impact and/or clearer meaning. And at the very end i like the line "I ache to remember more, to taste less dark chocolate of now and more raspberry filling of before" but again I get a little lost. Why is this memory turing sour? Did something happen between the mother and daughter? I can sense that something has gone awry but I have no idea why the speaker is so sad. Overall though, some very strong writing and imagery. Be more direct with your intentions in the end and this would be a great piece...imo