Pyramids
playing with shapes and patterns
like Euclid and his elements. Like Confucius,
who sees tradition in all things diamond-shaped and formed
like pentagons, squares and isosceles triangles held together
by religious glue and right angles. There is order and chaos
the battle over form and formlessness never concludes
mantras form clusters of stars that rise and swirl
like marble fudge batter
unbounded by a common recipie, hands broken free,
hitting the tongue like a gulp of sand.
This piece has a lot of great things going for it. There's a clear theme of shapes and order, and the specificity throughout is great. The "religious glue and right angles" line is probably my favorite because of the play on the two meanings of right. The "gulp of sand" line is great; it's so shocking. I think you should add more to this, maybe explore more shapes, or features like constellations that having seemingly random order - since you already have star clusters in this piece. If you decide on another draft, the order vs. chaos theme should definitely be explored more.
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